It’s ok to be scared.

July 13, 2016

All of a sudden, just in the past couple of days, I’ve had so much fear about having my second baby. Don’t get me wrong I’m excited, so excited in fact. Excited to hold her close to me, hear her cry for the first time, see what she looks like, I’m excited for Karis to meet her and I’m excited to lose this bump! But I’m scared. It’s not something I’m super comfortable talking about. I don’t want people to think I’m regretting getting pregnant, because that’s not it at all! Growing my family makes me so excited! I’m just scared to start over. Scared to have a newborn again!

Karis is sleeping through the night. Having conversations with me to letting me know what she needs. No longer nursing. She can easily be left with a babysitter if need be. She takes one nap a day and I can easily plan my day around it. SO many steps to get to where we are with her and I’m about to start completely over!

I’m scared for nighttime. With Karis this was one of the most trying times for me(AND she was a good sleeper!) I had many nights in tears because I was just so tired and ALL I wanted was to sleep.

I’m scared to nurse again. It’s been over a year and honestly I didn’t love it at first. I wanted to give up so many times. Starting over with the whole process terrifies me.

I’m scared to divide my attention. This one makes me more sad to think about then scared. Karis gets my complete undivided attention and having to share that with a new baby makes my heart hurt a little bit for my current baby and how she will feel.

I’m scared to give up my “me time.” I need time alone, call me selfish but those trips to Target, or sitting on the couch on my iPad at night with no one to cater to or talk to is so refreshing for me. A newborn doesn’t give you much “me time.” I’m afraid I will very much miss it.

I’m scared to get back to the real world with TWO. How will life be? Buckling up two kiddos in the car, working around two babies schedules, leaving 2 babies at home when I go and shoot weddings. The real world is scary enough as it is, adding another babe to the mix terrifies me!

Just a few real life fears that I am working through. Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones, maybe I’m tired, maybe it’s just kicked in that I am having a baby in 6 days! Whatever it is I hope some other mama reads this and knows that they are not alone and they are in NO way a bad mom for having any of these thoughts! We’ve got this mamas! Keep on loving our babes because in the end does anything else really matter?

XO Ashley

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  • Reply Alicia Snow July 14, 2016 at 5:40 pm

    I’m not due until December with my second, but yes to all of these fears! I have them all too. I just keep reminding myself that there are others who have done it with two and survived so I can too! Haha. Good luck mama!

    • Reply ashley July 26, 2016 at 8:16 pm

      I can now safely say these fears go away SO fast once baby is here!!

  • Reply Julia Halls February 10, 2017 at 5:24 am

    I just sat by my bed this morning crying after I put my daughter down for a nap because I had these EXACT SAME THOUGHTS! I don’t think it’s coincidence that I happened upon this blog. Sometimes it’s just nice to know you’re not alone. I got pretty overwhelmed and depressed today thinking about how scared I was. Thank you for sharing so I don’t feel so alone.

    • Reply ashley May 21, 2017 at 3:38 am

      I am so so so happy that this blog was able to touch someone that needed it the most!! You are so welcome! Hugs to you mama! You are NOT alone in any way!

      • Reply Julia Halls May 21, 2017 at 9:03 am

        Your timing is impeccable. My new daughter Harper was born at 9:52 pm. It really is amazing how quickly that love just magnifies.
        Thanks again.

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